We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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