Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
