HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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