I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
