We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
