I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
