You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
