I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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