Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
