Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
