and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
