Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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