you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
