in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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