what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
