Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
