At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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