Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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