I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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