he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
