I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
