Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
