omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
