The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
