i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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