Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
