Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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