You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
