We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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