i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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