i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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