i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
