There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
