I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
