My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
