Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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