She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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