walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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