omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Randomize
