last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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