Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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