Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
