I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
