dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I want is dick and wine.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
