I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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