just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
