Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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