I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
