I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
