peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
