ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
